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Our Story
This post is a hard one to write. It's going to talk about our struggle with getting pregnant. Until now, I’ve been pretty quiet about it all, only telling friends and family. Then a dear friend helped me realize that we should not keep our struggles silent. Someone else could be going through the exact same thing, and by sharing what you are going through you could help someone hurting. This is who I am, and it’s part of my testimony. I hope it can help you or someone you know. I'm not the best writer. I tend to enjoy run-on sentences and always misuse commas. I apologize. I'm not here to impress, just to share our story. So here goes...
In July of 2011, I had my first surgery to remove the endometriosis. What followed was almost 2 years of fertility drugs, and 2 more surgeries. My doctor said one of my ovaries might need removing. I had to sign a form saying if during surgery he thought it was bad enough, that he could take it out. Talk about stressful! I remember waking up from surgery and the first thing I asked Casey was "Did they keep it?!". Thankfully, once the doctor went in and cleaned it up, he said it was still workable and left it. After my second surgery in March of 2012, my doctor wanted me to take 6 months off for my body to heal. No treatments, and no drugs (I call them drugs because that’s what they are. It alters who you are and how you feel).
In August of that year, a miracle happened...we got pregnant all by ourselves with no fertility drugs! The day after I told Casey was when I had the miscarriage. My levels were too low and I didn't get to the doctor fast enough for medication to help. It hurt my soul...my inner most being ached. I cried for months. I felt worthless. “Why am I even on this earth if I can’t do what women are supposed to do?!” I would ask myself this often. Depression set in. I’m a homebody as it is, but pair that with depression and I never left the house. If it wasn’t for my best friend Megan or my Mom calling to say “get out of the house, you are coming with me to lunch", I would have never left. It's times like that that I was thankful they knew. Otherwise, I'm not sure what state I would have been in (side note to my infertility ladies: It's my opinion that SOMEONE should know other than your husband. Someone else should be praying for you too. Don't keep it all in. For whatever reason women battling infertility feel ashamed. Don't. Infertility has been happening since the Bible days and it's still happening. God healed then and he does now. Don't be afraid to tell it. I promise you will feel better. If you don't think anyone will understand then tell me. I do. And I will pray. Having my closest friends knowing really helped me day to day).
In August of that year, a miracle happened...we got pregnant all by ourselves with no fertility drugs! The day after I told Casey was when I had the miscarriage. My levels were too low and I didn't get to the doctor fast enough for medication to help. It hurt my soul...my inner most being ached. I cried for months. I felt worthless. “Why am I even on this earth if I can’t do what women are supposed to do?!” I would ask myself this often. Depression set in. I’m a homebody as it is, but pair that with depression and I never left the house. If it wasn’t for my best friend Megan or my Mom calling to say “get out of the house, you are coming with me to lunch", I would have never left. It's times like that that I was thankful they knew. Otherwise, I'm not sure what state I would have been in (side note to my infertility ladies: It's my opinion that SOMEONE should know other than your husband. Someone else should be praying for you too. Don't keep it all in. For whatever reason women battling infertility feel ashamed. Don't. Infertility has been happening since the Bible days and it's still happening. God healed then and he does now. Don't be afraid to tell it. I promise you will feel better. If you don't think anyone will understand then tell me. I do. And I will pray. Having my closest friends knowing really helped me day to day).
I came across this read online one day and it CHANGED me:
"It is interesting to note that when God commanded us to be fruitful and multiply,
he did not use the Hebrew word for bearing children. If He did, there would only be one
true way to follow this command - biologically. But He did not use yalad, to bear young, but parah, to bear fruit, and ravah, to increase in number. These verbs put the
emphasis on the product, the fruit, and the resulting increase in number. If you think
about it, bearing children really means a whole lot more than just the act of giving birth.
Bearing really communicates nurturing the fruit until it comes to maturity—in essence,
parenting.
So the Lord is commanding us to be parents and have plenty of children. There are two equally valid means to fulfill these commands, both procreation and adoption. Each one carries with it special blessings; each one communicates special grace both to the parents and the child; each one communicates truth to the broken world that we live in. And God, in His omniscience, knew the kind of world He created, and the special needs it would have when He gave this command." - Spirit of Adoption, God's Plan A, by Brian Luwis
In April of 2013, we went to a marriage retreat called CONNECT. One night, someone spoke on idols. Anything in your life that you put before God is an idol. For some of you it might be work, and for others, it might be your children. But for us, we realized infertility was an all consuming idol in our life. When we woke up, we thought about it, when we went to bed, we thought about it. We were on a schedule of when to take pills, when to take shots, when to do EVERYTHING, and frankly, we were OVER IT. We laid everything over to God at the conference in Georgia, and never looked back. From that night on I have felt a peace like I have never felt before. It’s a God given peace that we prayed for for years. Truly now I understand what the "Prince of Peace" is capable of. Not until we gave everything over to Him did we have it. After that conference, our new passion was clear: Adoption. Not because it was "Plan B", but because I (Kristin) have always known I would adopt. I knew when I was 19 years old.
Time in China 
Congratulations on your new-found journey! I pray that everything goes smoothly and even through the roller-coaster of emotions and situations that I am sure will happen (just like any growing family!) that you continue to praise our Lord! I look forward to seeing all the joyous moments of your adoption! God bless!
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ReplyDeleteKristin I have known you for a long time and in the time i was around you, even if we were youngsters then, you were always head strong and knew exactly how to handle each obstacle. Cool thing is you've grown up into a beautiful young lady and found your soul mate who also has your courage to tackle each obstacle. Im truly sorry for that pain you both had to endure and i cannot even imagine so i wont pretend to. BUT the strength you are showing by not only sharing your story with everyone but being one of those super people and choosing to adopt, makes you and Casey heros in my eyes. If you guys need anything at all to help please do not hesitate calling me. Im praying for you guys!
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